Haunted Houses Hit Chi-City

I got to visit my first haunted house ever, The Fear at Navy Pier. This is a feature piece I wrote about my experience for my Feature Writing course. Enjoy.

The Fear at Navy Pier

Gashed eyeballs oozing yellow puss, the rotting frame of what looks like a 6-foot Gremlin, and bellows convincing enough atheists start believing – all this paints the perfect picture of what can be seen and heard on the porch of Navy Pier’s newest attraction.

Right then and there, I decided The Fear was The One. After 21 hesitant years, I was finally going to pop my haunted house cherry. But before stepping up to the plate, I wanted to get to know The Fear more. After all, I was going to remember this night for the rest of my life.

“We’ve had really positive reviews from all over, wherever we go,” says Gezim ‘Gizmo’ Memishi, one of the backstage hands, while adjusting his headset. Perfect. This was exactly what I wanted to hear. Plus, how could you not trust a guy named Gizmo? Clearly, The Fear and I were meant to be.

According to the brochure, The Fear was voted “Number One Haunted House to Visit” on HauntedHouseChicago.com, and was named “One of the Top 25 Must See Haunts of 2009” by Haunted Attraction Magazine. Even more perfect. Numbers don’t lie; these were the facts, and The Fear was now even more worthy of being my first. I was getting aroused.

“People love coming here. We got kids going in all excited and then coming out in tears, but it’s all in good fun; they’re just happy tears,” added Head of Security Peter Kocomis, shaking his head and chuckling.

I froze. To me, coming out of a haunted house in tears equals anything but happy. Had I chosen the wrong haunted house? The Fear was supposed to be The One! I had to look into it further. I had already come this far. I was a haunted house virgin on a mission.

“We have a crew of around 120 people here, with 70 of them all actors. We all take our jobs really seriously,” assures Director of Promotions Dan ‘Skin Master’ Stempien. Instant music to my ears; Skin Master had my trust. I was definitely going to do The Deed now. You would trust a guy named Skin Master too, right? It was time for me to become a woman.

The Fear didn’t start out slow like I had hoped. I knew I should have brought protection; then I remembered the mini-umbrella in my bag. With every turn, actors dressed like extras from 28 Days Later came at me like a game of Cat-and-Mouse, the Chambers of Hell Edition.

After dodging another armless villain, it was so dark I had no idea where else to turn. Without second thought, I ran straight ahead, arms stretched out in front of me; and before I knew it, I was outside, alive and well.

It all happened so fast; the whole thing lasted about 8 minutes, which was disappointing. But I heard that’s how long it usually lasts your first time anyway, and that it’s usually the much larger haunted houses that are the best and take the longest to finish. I can’t wait.